dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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