hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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