just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
