I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
