Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize