Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
