omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
