He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
