he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
