My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
