and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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