well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
