Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
