i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
