i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
