oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
