speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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