Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
