some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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