dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize