I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
