i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
