Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
