oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
