Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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