Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just invented taco cereal.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
