Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
