I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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