Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
