i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
