I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
