3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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