You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
