I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
