the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
