I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
