my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
