You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize