Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
