for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
