i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
