I think I am morally bankrupt
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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