I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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