Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
