she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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