i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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