Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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