the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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