Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
