I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
