wakey wakey hands off snakey
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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