Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
