Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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