My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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