and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
