she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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