i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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