Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
