Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
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