Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
