bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
