maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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