we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
