i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
