Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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