If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
