just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
