opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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