I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
