Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
