Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
