gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
