just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
