There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
